i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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