I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
