In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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