She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
