I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
