I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
