I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
