i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
