shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
