thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Holy shit dude........stairs
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
