I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
