Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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