do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
