shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
