Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
