I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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