Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
