He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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