I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
