You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
