I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
