Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
