Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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