i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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