my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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