The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
