I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
