why didn't you poke me back
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
