my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we're making bets on your personal life
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
