Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
