ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Found your dick twin last night
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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