Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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