i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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