I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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