We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
