i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
