listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
