8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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