my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
