we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
