What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
What a dumb baby whore.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
