they need to just BURY HIM!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
