The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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