I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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