I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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