is wine microwaveable?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
it glows. i had to have it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
