Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
