Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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