I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
