I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
